WANT TO ENJOY A CHEAP LUNCH? EAT AT THE MASTERS AND ORDER A PIMIENTO CHEESE SANDWICH
Scheduled for the first full week of April, the Masters is the first major of the year, and unlike the others, it is always held at the same location, Augusta National Golf Club. It’s a private course in the southeastern United States, in the city of Augusta, Georgia. The setting is beautiful. It is run with clockwork precision. It showcases the best golfers in the world. But you know all of this.
“It’s a cultural event where the Southern United Sates has its chest stuck out and is saying come down and visit.” They carefully watch over their reputation by both the club and network television. For example, Gary McCord, golf commentator for CBS in 1994 reported, ‘They don’t cut the greens here at Augusta, they use bikini wax.’ He was fired for that remark.”
THE MASTER’S TRICKS
But some things are not as they seem. “There is a curious absence of fauna. One hardly sees a squirrel or a bird. I I’d been told that birdsong – a lot of it – is piped in through speakers hidden in the greenery. The traps are bunkers, and what appears to be the whitest sand in golf is technically not sand but waste from feldspar mines in North Carolina.”
BEHAVE YOURSELF
“Through the metal detectors and badge scanners, you enter a lush high-rent realm. You are not allowed to run, talk loudly, or cheer a player’s mistakes. Order is maintained by a security force.”
IF YOU GET THE HUNGRIES
If you’re fortunate enough to visit during the four days of the tournament, “in spite of all the walking you’ll put on five pounds. Pimento-cheese sandwiches, egg-salad sandwiches ($1.50), peach-ice-cream sandwiches, Moon Pies, and underpriced beer ($4.00).”
Now, if you are interested in a homemade, I repeat, homemade moon pies. or a pimiento cheese sandwich, just click on the treat and it will take you to my recipes. And you will indeed be in for a treat.
Note: If your present favorite cheese spread is Cheese Whiz, I refer you to the following conversational exchange between Red Green and his nephew, Harold:
Harold: “Where does cheese come from , anyway?”
Red: “I’m not sure but I think butter comes from leaving milk out too long.”
Harold: “Maybe, cheese is butter that’s been left out too long…”
Red: “Yeah, could be… but I always thought cheese was a urine product. No, maybe that’s Cheese Whiz.”
