Scheduled for the first full week of April, the Masters is the first major of the year, and unlike the others, it is always held at the same location, Augusta National Golf Club. It’s a private course in the southeastern United States, in the city of Augusta, Georgia. The setting is beautiful. It is run with clockwork precision. It showcases the best golfers in the world. But you know all of this.
“It’s a cultural event where the Southern United Sates has its chest stuck out and is saying come down and visit.” They carefully watch over their reputation by both the club and network television. For example, Gary McCord, golf commentator for CBS in 1994 reported, ‘They don’t cut the greens here at Augusta, they use bikini wax.’ He was fired for that remark.”
THE MASTER’S TRICKS
But some things are not as they seem. “There is a curious absence of fauna. One hardly sees a squirrel or a bird. I I’d been told that birdsong – a lot of it – is piped in through speakers hidden in the greenery. The traps are bunkers, and what appears to be the whitest sand in golf is technically not sand but waste from feldspar mines in North Carolina.”
“Through the metal detectors and badge scanners, you enter a lush high-rent realm, where you are not allowed to run, talk loudly, or cheer a player’s mistakes. Order is maintained by a security force.”
IF YOU GET THE HUNGRIES
If you’re fortunate enough to visit during the four days of the tournament, “in spite of all the walking you’ll put on five pounds. Pimento-cheese sandwiches, egg-salad sandwiches ($1.50), peach-ice-cream sandwiches, Moon Pies, and underpriced beer ($4.00).”
Now, if you are interested in a pimento-cheese sandwiches, check out the recipe below. And if you are interested in a homemade, I repeat, homemade moon pies. Just click on the treat and it will take you to my recipe for moon pies. And you will indeed be in for a treat.
Note: If your present favorite cheese spread is Cheese Whiz, I refer you to the following conversational exchange between Red Green and his nephew, Harold:
Harold: “Where does cheese come from , anyway?”
Red: “I’m not sure but I think butter comes from leaving milk out too long.”
Harold: “Maybe, cheese is butter that’s been left out too long…”
Red: “Yeah, could be… but I always thought cheese was a urine product. No, maybe that’s Cheese Whiz.”
Pimiento Cheese Spread
3 0uncesCream cheese softened to room temp
1/3 cupDuke's mayonnaise
2 TablespoonsWorcestershire sauce
1 1/2 teaspoonfulsApple cider vinegar
1/2 teaspoonfulHot Sauce
1 teaspoonfulCayenne pepper
1 teaspoonfulDried mustard
1/2 teaspoonfulKosher salt
1/4 teaspoonfulBlack pepper ground
4 ounce jarPimientos diced
As needed for consistencyEVOO
1 1/2 cupsShredded sharp cheddar cheese
1 1/2 cupsShredded colby cheese or other colby mix
2 TablespoonsGreen onions either sliced or diced (optional)
Time: 30 minutes
Add first ten items to a bowl and mix together with a spoon. Get a nice smooth and even mixture.
Add the shredded cheese.
You can mix it to the consistency of mashed potatoes by using a potato masher and adding EVOO until it is the consistency, or keep it a bit rough so the threads of cheese are evident.
Add green onions and incorporate into mixture.
Cover with plastic wrap and chill for eight hours. This helps the flavors come together.
Keeps well if refrigerated.
Great summer treat A Southern classic.
Serve on crackers or in sandwiches (I prefer pumpernickel).
Makes a great grilled cheese sandwich, Yum, but it requires some technique otherwise you will have melted cheese all over your plate. Here’s what you do:
- Butter both sides of the two pieces of sandwich bread.
- Grill the buttered side of one of the pieces. Remove from heat and set aside.
- On the other piece, spread a moderate amount of the cheese spread on the unbuttered side of the other. Be sure there is cheese up to the edges of the bread.
- Place buttered side down on the heat and place the other slice of bread that has been grilled on top.
- Finish grilling being careful not to melt the cheese too much. You will want most of the cheese to remain in the sandwich with just a bit of melted cheese dribbling over the edge.
- And prepare yourself to bite into perhaps the best grilled cheese sandwich you’ve ever tasted. Sweet tea and chips are great accompaniments.