SINGING IN THE SHOWER – A GREAT WAY TO START THE DAY:

Half an hour in the shower’s not too long,

To spend time with your favorite song.

Classic rock tunes or not

It still gets my best shot

’Cause in the shower there’s no bad, right or wrong.

MY TOP TEN BEST SONGS TO SING IN THE SHOWER

•      Sweet Caroline – Neil Diamond

•      I Won’t Back Down – Tom Petty

•      Lyin’ Eyes – The Eagles

•      Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds – The Beatles

•      I Didn’t Know God Made Honky-tonk Angels – Hank Thompson

•      Joy to The World – Three Dog Night

•      The legendary Nebraska Fight Song

•      American Pie – Don Henley

•      Blue Eyes Cryin’ In The Rain – Willie Nelson

•      We Will Rock You – Queen

“There’s no half-singing in the shower. You’re either a rock star or an opera diva.” – Josh Groban

So, lather up. Pick out a tune. And belt it out.

THE WEATHER CAN’T BREAK OUR SPIRITS

Sung to the tune It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas:

It’s beginning to look a lot like April
Ev’rywhere we go;
‘Take a look at our patio, actually free of snow
There’s bushes to trim and lots of leaves to blow.

It’s beginning to look a lot like April
Soon-we’ll-have-forget-me-nots;
But the prettiest sight we know are the plants we know will grow
In our own…clay…pots.

GENDER ROLE CHANGE:

A couple I know, Virginia and Frank Lee, when he criticizes her, she gets to say to him with Clark Gable swagger, “Frank Lee, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

GENDER NOTES – THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN US:

If a woman had to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base – Dave Barry

WORD OF THE DAY

Wabi-sabi – the celebration of the beauty that comes from the natural decay of the world around us, not to be confused with kemosabe which is the name Tonto had bestowed on the Lone Ranger.

IT’S JUST MY OPINION

     I’ve never liked the sound of the word plethora. It just seems to roll off the tongue wrong. And it makes the user sound pretentious. Plethora.  I think the word anexcessiveamount sounds better.

SAFETY FIRST, LAST, AND ALWAYS:

     I always wear a cut-resistant glove when I’m slicing and dicing which I think is absolutely an essential item in every kitchen. I’ve presented many dishes to my guests with fingers that are taped up due to cutting accidents. It’s not usually my knives that are the culprit- it’s my vegetable slicers (swivel and Y peelers) and my box graters.  But by far the most dangerous is my mandoline slicer.

     You need to protect your hands and keep your fingertips intact. Cut-resistant gloves can do this, and it only takes a second to slip one on. They are cheap (about $10 a pair), and you can throw them in the clothes washer when you’re finished. So, please stay safe. Buy and use the glove.

The Six Seven Questions of Socrates:

   What is virtue?

   What is moderation?

   What is justice?

   What is good?

   What is courage?

   What is piety?

   What is for dinner?

CONTEMPLATION:

     The dandelion puff is just dandy, isn’t it?

A RELATABLE QUOTE THAT I THINK MIGHT EXPLAIN WHY MY SATURDAY NIGHTS ARE THE LONELIEST NIGHT OF THE WEEK:

“I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.” – Dave Barry 

BACKDOOR BOVINE or The Secret Lives of Cows

Do cows carouse when our backs are turned?

Do they espouse a secret lifestyle?

By breaking vows when time allows

At least for a relatively short while.

I OCCASIONALLY HAVE A DRINK DURING THE DAY

Because (as Jimmy Buffett says), “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.” Along those same lines, “I eat cake fairly often too, because I’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.” – Aunty Acid

I’VE TRIED TO TALK TO CATS

      I’ve even delivered some of my most insightful observations and thought-provoking material to cats, and all I’ve ever gotten in return was this ALOOF ATTITUDE and PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE DISMISSAL that said, “YEAH, RIGHT.” – Bob Miller

     But “you can say any fool thing to a dog and the dog will just give you this look that says, ‘MY GOSH, you’re RIGHT! I NEVER would have thought of that!’” – Dave Barry

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY DIFFERENT BEGONIAS THERE ARE?

There are over 550, and as of this moment there are probably people out there breeding more. It’s this type of information that keeps me awake at night.

THE MOTH JOKE

     A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist says, “What seems to be the problem, moth?”

     “Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though I’m a moth, just barely hanging on to my web with an everlasting fire underneath me. One mistake or bad decision and the web unravels and I fall. The pressure is affecting my home life. I snap at my children, and I don’t think my wife loves me anymore. My work no longer interests me, and I often ask myself, ‘What’s the point of living?’”

     And the doctor says, “Moth, you’re troubled that’s for sure. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?”

     And the moth says, “‘Because the light was on.” 

THINGS I LIKE TO BRAG ABOUT:

• Someone once mistook me for a salesman in a men’s clothing store.
• I was in an elevator with Robert Redford, and I pretended that it was no big deal.
• I own over 50 pairs of shoes, many of them vintage.
• The car that I owned before the one I’m presently driving, I drove 371,570 miles. That’s the equivalent of taking me around the world 15 times.
• I feel lucky to be living in South Central Nebraska. Yes, really.
• That I was a pharmacist for 43 years and not even once did I sell a condom.
• I seldom miss an episode of Cash Cab.
• That I’m a friend of Esther Amick’s.
• The other day someone guessed my age as being around 70. Actually, I’m a LOT older than that – I’m 73.
• And the one thing of which I’m the proudest … I’m currently sleeping with my editor.

ROMEO & JULIET AND COCKTAILS ON THE PATIO?

     The word patio was thought to have been first recorded 1941. This has recently been disproven now that an older draft of the balcony scene in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet has been discovered. It’s dated around 1590 which predates the former by about 350 years.

     In this newly discovered draft Juliet is gazing out her balcony window and utters the famous line, “Romeo. Romeo. Wherefore art thou, Romeo?”

     Romeo responds in a loud whisper, “Down here. Juliet, down here on the patio. I’m BBQing a couple of burgers.”

     But the love-struck and oblivious Juliet continues her monologue. “‘Tis but thy name that is my enemy. Thy art thyself, though not a Montague.” She pauses and sniffs the air. “Is that BBQ I smell?” She peers over the railing.

     Romeo says, “Yes. Yes. I take thee at thy word. Call me but love and tell me how you would like it done.”

     “Medium, with the bun toasted. But how camest thou hither, and tell me, wherefore? Also, could you add some type of a tomatoey condiment – and hold the onion.”

     Romeo blurts out, “Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear by my desire to be near you.”

     “Okay. I’ll be right down,” Juliet says breathlessly. “I’ll mix some drinks and we can have cocktails on the patio while I watch you cook.”

     And the rest, as they say, is history.